You guys get a bonus chapter because I can't sleep and my Xbox just spazzed out, yay for life!
So Monica is apparently a vampire fan since she's wearing a "vampires are humans too" badge. Naturally, Anita doesn't approve and I guess in a way this would count as foreshadowing. Monica is wearing "perfect makeup" with a "health club tan" and what would equal expensive clothes.
Now in LKH world that equals evil, the fact she's a lawyer would make her evil in my world but I'm just the reader here, what do I know?
Anita is wearing a red shirt, I tuned out the rest because I honestly don't care. One the upside we learn that she is short with black hair and dark eyes with "to pale skin" since she has apparently has one German parent and one Latino parent.
Oh, she also tells us that she's easily offended since an ex-boyfriend commented that she looked like a "little china doll" now I'm not versed in women psychology, but most females I've stumbled blindly across tend to tell me when they don't like something I've said and move on. I've yet been dumped and/or broken up over what was suppose to be a complimentary comment.
So she has a knife strapped to her wrist under her red blouse, again I'm not well versed in females clothing either (I'm starting to sense a trend, so be welcome to correct me if I'm wrong) but aren't blouse sleeves kinda tight fitting? They aren't exactly floppy enough to go sticking a hand up there in an emergency is what I'm saying... Unless of course she has a the hilt of the knife hanging out near her wrist which would A) be in view to anyone who shakes her hand and B) restrict her hand and wrist movement so much it'd actually be a pretty big hindrance in any sort of fight, she does leave her gun in the boot of her car thinking snarkily that the hens party shouldn't get that out of hand.
Since Monica is an idiot who can't organize a proper hens party, only Catherine, Anita and her bothered to show up. Anita again gets all snarky (Jesus, buzz kill much?)
So while they are heading to where ever the hens night will be held Monica starts happily dancing, which Anita once again gets all bitchy about since she only had two drinks at dinner.
Now, I'm not a light, i'm going to start being silly for no reason guy. But I respect those who have the balls to do that sort of shit sober, she's allowed to be happy and get into the mood of the evening women!
Catherine eventually tells Anita to STFU and quit killing her buzz, Anita gets all judgmental on us when it dawns on her that Catherine will, get ready for this its quite shocking, be drinking! Maybe in a fall down, can barely remember the night way. The horror, doing that on your hens night? Totally irresponsible.
Now, I get that some people don't drink for one reason or another and the more power to them, but don't start preaching to me about how it's killing me because damn it we all die and if I want to go out more pickled then a pickle that's my right.
So we get another half page of Monica and Catherine getting into the mood of the night while Anita monologues about how grumpy she is, so they finally get to why this book is called what it is!
Guilty pleasures is a vampire strip club that is located in "the district" well, that's what vampires call it, humans apparently call it "the riverfront" if polite or "blood square" if rude. Why does this place have a vampire and human name? Is it a segregated area? Details!
But no! We get to meet Buzz, the buzzcut vampire bouncer who has muscles. Apparently Anita has never heard about having a ego since she ponders about pushing iron once dead is redundant since you get superhuman strength as a vamp.
That's a good question actually, if you're a super fit body builder when you 'die' would you be stronger then the pansy dead french man?
Anita can apparently tell or get a pretty good estimate death age on vamps since she comes to the conclusion that Buzz is around 20yrs dead, and looked 'almost human in the dark'
Buzz and Monica seem to know each other, the undertone here is that she's a regular at the club. This point is pushed harder when she's managed to get a table since this place doesn't take reservations. Jesus I'd hate to work in their kitchens then, it'd be a nightmare, think of it. You're having a pretty hectic night then 20 people wonder in for one table on top of everyone else. Urgh screw that....
So there is a sign just inside the door that states "No crosses, crucifixes, or other holy items allowed inside.'
Basically its a 'don't bring weapons into this establishment, Anita naturally ignores the sign because she's a women who don't need no stinking rules.
So then a cliche wonders onto the set, Jean-Claude is... well let LKH explain it.
He looked like a vampire was suppose to look. Softly curling hair tangled with the high white lace of an antique shirt. Lace spilled over pale, long-fingered hands. [...] Most men couldn't have worn a shirt like that. The vampire made it utterly masculine.
Even when these shirts were in style they weren't masculine, French men were more done up then the females and were very... Look, the French stereotype exists for a reason, lets just leave it at that.
So Juan-Claude proceeds to sleaze all over the hens party, catching Catherine with his gaze just so Anita can inform us all how knowledgeable she is about the undead.
JC (his name from now on, I can't be bothered typing it constantly) kisses everyones hand but Anita since that would be 'cheating' I'm just going to go on ahead and assume that JC has a hard-on for Anita and has made a game out of trying to be-spell her, while she plays along by being all aggressive when he tries.
We also learn that crosses in this world need to be blessed and backed by faith, atheists need not apply for vampire protection.
So now we get a page and a bit of JC telling Anita to take her cross off and her being all stubborn about since the last time she was here she was allowed to keep it on. JC points out that was police business, now she's here for pleasure so either play by the rules or GTFO.
JC (who is apparently 205yrs dead) finally implies she's a chicken, but Anita is a headstrong vampire hunter (spoiler alert) who won't fall for such... Oh, never-mind she takes the cross off, gives it to the item check lady and tries to be snarky about that too. But since it makes sense it just kinda falls flat.
So JC tells them to go have fun, Anita manages to find a threat in there somewhere, Catherine is shocked to learn that this place is 'the worlds only' strip club... Huh, I thought Vegas would have been all over that.
As Monica drags them further into the club to watch sweaty dead man-meat shake it on stage Anita looks back at JC who blows her a kiss.
And that's the third chapter.
Chapter 4 begins with Anita bitching (this fucking theme, seriously) about where their table is located, which is right up against the stage. Why would you whinge about that? Even if you don't want to see half naked man strutting their stuff on stage I'd prefer to not be completely surrounded by screaming females.
The show starts by the lights going out and JCs voice comes out of the darkness, informing the audience that he's there to make "their darkest wish come true" according to Anita his voice sounded like "silken whispers in the small hours of the night" I'm not sure why, but that gave me an image of her rolling around on a silken drape while the sun rose...
The first stripper up is a guy called Philippe, judging by the reaction he gets I gather he's suppose to be the crowd favorite. So he starts stripping off in a fairly generic boring way and we learn that he is covered in scars, like, a lot of scars each one is suppose to be from a vampire. The crowd is going completely nutso over this and Monica is really getting into it. Catherine and Anita on the other hand seem horrified and for once I'm on Anita's side here.
Apparently this is the cheapest crowd in the world since everyone is only holding up dollar bills, again might be different in America but if you tossed a dollar coin at a stripper here you'd find yourself tossed out faster then you could blink.
Philippe comes to their table, Monica shoves the dollar bill down his pants then proceeds to kiss all of his scars. Once she gets to his neck she bites down and starts sucking on the newest scar, Anita and Catherine look on in shock while everyone goes crazy and starts waving money.
I'm guessing that Monica doesn't understand that the hen's party is suppose to be for the future brides enjoyment, not just yours...
Monica finally lets Phil go, collapsing on the table just basking in the afterglow. Phil goes back to the stage, he doesn't do anything he just stands there. Monica tells them to not worry and Anita informs Catherine that there's a vampire, Catherine's eyes flash with worry before she turns and faces Phil since the entire crowd is hypnotized, he did this just so he could walk up on stage and once released the crowd would think he appeared in front of them.
Of course, Anita is too awesome for this and surprises the vampire when she watches him, making it clear that she isn't under his control.
Once the crowd is released the vamp (Robert) starts stripping, he tosses a glove at Anita who ignores it, refusing to pick it up another women asks if she could take it then but Monica beats her to it. This is all important information to have at this stage of the book, believe me!
Robert then starts snacking down on Phil which the crowd loves, what is wrong with these people seriously? This isn't what I'd call happy sexy times, but hey I'm not really into the vamp scene either.
So Rob chomps down and spreads his hunger so the rest of the crowd can feel it, Anita digs her nails into her hands in an attempt to ignore it then gets all righteous about how everyone but her can feel it.
Wow, ok so NOW he bites down on Phil, before he was just... holding him? It's a little hard to follow.
Still the music dies and everyone gets to listen to him slurping Phil's blood like a slurpee. Good sexy times right there.
JC then asks who wants a kiss and people start holding money up, haven't these people ever heard of blood born diseases??
Robert ends up in front of Anita who shows him empty hands indication that she has no money and to move on when he tries to grab her but she someone manages to dodge the attack, knocking her chair back as she gets to her feet.
The crowd watches in discomfort wondering what was going on, JC appears next to Anita in an attempt to stop her from killing on of his employees and manages to roll her "like a wino after money" What?
But manages to chase him back by making loud noises in her head?
Seriously, what the fuck is going on here??
Anita tells JC to back up out of her grill and he does with a slimy smile, Oh! The loud noise was her beeper going off, she could have just said that.
After calling the police (the people who beeped her) she finds out she needs to go and work on her night off, she's happy about this fact and offers to take Catherine with her who wants to stay and watch the creepy vamps do their thing on stage, promising to be back to drive them home so grabs her cross off the item check girl person and makes to leave.
JC pops up to gloat the he almost had her, she claims that almost doesn't count and his laughter follows her into the darkness "like velvet rubbing against her spine"
Seriously, what's with the short arse chapters? we're only on page 20 had have chewed through 4 chapters of what I guess is world-building.
Watch this space for the next two chapters to this highly exciting and thrilling book!
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