Right so when we last left Anita her flat had been rudely invaded by zombies, she managed to survive and Dolph was interviewing her about what had happened... One must wonder how this chapter could possibly beat the last?!
I'm willing to bet $50 that it's as bland and pointless as every other chapter in this stupid book...
So letsa go!
This Chapter starts off with Anita bemoaning the fact that stuffed toys, surprisingly enough, are not actually designed to be submerged in water and that two of her penguins (their toys, just to verify) aren't savable but a few others show promise. So she leaves a quick message for her dry cleaners, leaving out the fact that her toys are splattered in blood as she doesn't want to scare them off or some such...
I think she fails to realize that they can still turn her down once she waltzes in, but hey this is Anita, she'd probably just hold a gun at them until they do it.
She quickly packs an overnight bag, the file she has on Gaynor and two guns (insert gun p0rn here) but still doesn't feel safe. Geez, can't imagine why that would bloody be!
Unlike most walking dead, zombies can bear the touch of sunlight. They don't like it, but they can exist with it. Dominga could order a zombie to kill me in daylight just as easily as moonlight. She wouldn't be able to raise the dead during the day but she could raise the dead the night before and send it out to get me the next day.
I don't recall anyone (or any mythology) that actually thought daylight did stop Zombies, so this random info dump is completely pointless.. Hence why I put it in here, gotta share the pain after all.
Anita admits to herself that she doesn't think Dominga has more zombies waiting to kill her, but is a firm believer of being overly paranoid apparently. She opens her door (what actually happened to the cops? Shouldn't she be under protective custody or something right now??) looks both ways, but failing to see any zombies shambling towards her risks actually leaving.
Blah blah, insert random crap about how everyone is afraid of the dark for a reason, but because she raises the dead and murderifies vampires she has more of a right to be terrified or some such.
Random tangent out of nowhere now as she goes on about how zombies don't actually eat people, they merely take a couple of bites then move on... Okay??
Anyways, the only person she knows who died of a zombie bite attack had his throat crushed, pure bad luck on his behalf.
No zombies tear their victims apart (then why were the zombies in the last chapter so intent on biting her?)
RIGHT! So the whole point of these tangent is that if you raise a zombie and that zombie kills someone, you better get a one way ticket out of dodge and fast because they'll blame you. Zombies apparently have no free will when raised, so they have to be commanded to kill,.. Think like when someone fires a gun, the gun doesn't go to jail but it's owner does.
Anita then goes on about how proving this sort of supernatural stuff in court is hard because the jury doesn't understand and for some reason no one can explain it to them simply... I'm getting the impression that LKH doesn't think much of the justice system in America.
I've learned to keep it simple and to add any gory details the defense will allow me. A jury appreciates a little vicarious adventure. Most testimony is terribly boring or heartbreaking. I try to be interesting. It's a change of pace.
Now, I'm no expert in law... 'specially American law, but doesn't this kinda sound she's turning the entire thing into a show or something? Or turning all the attention onto her and how she's the saving grace in the entire thing.
Also, WHY THE FUCK WOULD SHE BE IN COURT?! She raises Zombies and kills vampires, why would she need to present evidence? She's not a cop!!
Ugh, also she can apparently now taste when the sun rises... MOVING ON!
She leaves for a hotel, thinking that her landlord won't be impressed about the mess she's made, more so if the cleaning crew can't get the smell out or properly fix the bullet holes and broken window, while hoping that her lease can't be challenged in court.
I'm fairly sure I've already covered this so, moving on!
She ends up at a hotel that has room service since apparently she desperately needs coffee, going on to explain that the clerk is giving her wide nervous eyes while processing her transaction. Getting into the lift which has a mirror in it, Anita gets the first decent look at herself...
It all boils down to the fact that she's covered in blood, and in the real world should be expecting cops to rock up at her room wanting to know why.
But this is Anita-verse so that won't happen.
... Right, also apparently she thinks that the clerk wasn't looking at her strangely because of the blood (even though it's literally coating one side of her face and neck she reckons he wouldn't know what it is) no, it's because she's deathly pale and looked shocked.
Whatever, she gets to her room and hops straight into the shower. Keeping her gun near her while thinking that wet doesn't bother modern guns...
I wouldn't know, again no expert. But I'm pretty sure if you got your gun wet but failed to clean it properly afterwards it wouldn't work so great.
I called room service wearing nothing but a towel. I'd almost forgotten. I ordered a pot of coffee, sugar, and cream. They asked if I wanted decaf. I said no thank you. Pushy. Like waiters asking if I wanted diet coke when I didn't ask for it. They never ask men, even portly men, if they want diet coke.
Does this ever actually happen? Seriously??
I'd think the main reason they'd be asking if she wants decaf is because she's literally just walked into the hotel at 5am, you don't rent out a room to sit in it wide awake is what I'm getting at...
She also tells them not to knock on her door when they deliver it, how... How will she know when they drop it off then?!
Oh... So she didn't shower before, what was the point of.. Whatever, we now get in detail how she showers, what shampoo she uses it's a thrilling experience that I won't ruin for you here.
While she's showering Anita proceeds to have a small melt-down, wondering what will happen if she doesn't manage to pin this back on Dominga, and the fact that she's already survived one attack would mean she's view this as a personal challenge now.. I thought she only sent the zombies in as a rather harsh reminder of who holds the power here, why would she be upset that Anita sur... Right, applying logic, sorry I'm a little out of practice here.
Anita goes on to think that if the law lets her down she'll have to be more practical and go after Dominga herself.. Our heroine ladies and gents!
Don't worry though, she thinks of it more as self-defense then actual murder!
Hoping out of the shower she goes to the door and collects her caffeine laden coffee, which once she makes a cup proceeds to bitch that it doesn't taste nice, fucking coffee snobs, seriously.
She then sits down and reads the notes she has on Gaynor, who while originally started off as the main plot point of this book seems to have been shuffled back into a side quest...
Gaynor is mob connected and a self-made millionaire, so Anita now knows that he is good for the amount of money she's been offered. His mother died when he was ten, and while his father is suppose to have died before he was born Anita can't find anything on the man.
Anita goes on to find information on girls he's dated, and photos which nicely sum up everything. The first photo is of Gaynor and Wanda, all happy and looking like they're in love, the second photo Gaynor and Cecil are smiling while Wanda looks angry. How convenient.
Whatever, Anita figures that if Wanda hated Gaynor more then she feared him, she'll be happy to talk to her about it... Something tells me Anita hasn't thought this though, if Wanda wanted to dish all the dirt on Gaynor why not do a full expose with the reporter that's covering the... Right, logic again. My bad.
Ohhh, ok. So Anita reckons Wanda will actually talk to her because she doesn't want to publish it. No she wants to hand it into the cops or blackmail him with it.,,,,
Deciding that she should get some sleep she sets a wakeup call for noon and closes the blinds, figuring that since she accidentally got Irving a interview with the master of the city it automatically gives her the right to not return the files on time.
Insert here her bitching about Irving willingly going with JC and how she thinks vampires are worse monsters then zombies because they sign up for it blah blah fucking blah.
Anita then randomly comes to the conclusion that she wouldn't be able to sleep until she knows the Irving is fine, so she calls him under the guise that she's giving him a heads up about dropping the file off late.
They banter back and forth a bit, before Irving gracefully allows Anita to drop the file off later while he makes it good with the reporter who actually gave him the file. He catches on that she was really calling to check up on him after the interview, which while she denies he thanks her for her concern.
He tells her to go to sleep with the reminder that he'll be calling her in a day or two to get the scoop on the whole zombie thing they agreed on.
Curling up under the blankets with her favorite penguin in her arms and her favorite gun under her pillow. She then asks herself which she found more comforting before thinking that it doesn't matter as she says her nightly prays, the main one being that she doesn't dream...
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