Well... Chapter, 48 is a half page epilogue... STILL!
Nikoloas danced around him. The skirt of her pastel pink dress swirled around her. The large, pink bow in her hair bobbed as she twirled, arms outstretched. Her slender legs were covered in white leotards. The shoes were white with pink bows.
... WHAT IS THE FUCKING POINT OF THIS BULLSHIT?!
You ended the last chapter on a pretty good cliff hanger and this is how you chose to start the next chapter off?
Fuck you and you your non-nonsensical writing style LKH!
Whatever, Nicky then taunts Anita about how alive he looks, while Anita herself broods over the fact that Phil appears to recognize and remember her as he shies away from her as she draws near or some crap. Honestly, the opening to this chapter just killed any hopes I had for this book ending on a high note and struggling to give a fuck or invest any emotion into this because the author clearly can't be fucked.
Nicky then asks Anita if she wants to watch Phil go through his paces, when Anita doesn't respond she stomps over, hands on hips and demands an answer from her... Because children throwing tantrums are terrifying for those who aren't directly dealing with said child.
I swallowed bile, hard. Maybe I should just throw up on her. That would teach her. [...]
Apparently when Nicky asked Anita if she wants to watch Phil preform she meant sexually? I'm not sure, either way it turns out that Phil is currently naked (I don't want to know why the vamps stripped him down after killing him, I really, REALLY don't) I'm not sure why this was shoehorned into the story but I'm not wondering why this is happening and figured I might as well spread the pain.
It turns out though that they raised him because they want to watch a vampire vs zombie smack down, apparently murdered zombies go out of their way to kill their murderers... Wait... Didn't they kill Aubrey last chapter though?
Can you raise vampires as zombies?????
Wait... -skims back and forth rapidly- He's not dead? But... BUT THEY KILLED HIM! Blew his head off and everything didn't they???? -keeps up the rapidly page flipping- I..... Well... So far they're rambling so let's just deal with that first then...
Anita states the obvious, saying that Nicky wants Aubrey to re-kill Phil again, can you re-kill a zombie? He's already sorta dead... Burchard hits Anita in the stomach when she calls his master a bitch for planning this evil if pointless page filler.
Anita throws up, Nicky taunts her some more, she thinks that at this range Zack can shoot them with pure luck (oh yeah he popped up too, but at this point who honestly cares) lots of more pointless page filler blah blah blah.
Ok, so now Nicky tries to control Anita through her bite mark which is again never brought up in the series and doesn't make any sense whatsoever because how the fuck does drinking someones blood and giving them some of your spit make them weak to you? Or do vampires have parasitic species like thing living in their spit which helps control and/or transform humans... That... That is actually a good idea, everyone! Everyone I might use this so please erase it from your memories!!!
Yadda yadda Anita taunts Nicky that she's been cleansed with holy water so she has no power over her, Nicky rambles on that after the third mark she'll replace Theresa which... ARE YOU MAKING HER A VAMPIRE OR A HUMAN SERVANT? SERIOUSLY! GET YOUR FUCKING SHIT TOGETHER!!!!!!!
Okey dokey, the relocate BACK to the most insecure dungeon of all time for the WWE style smackdown, which honestly sounds cool until you remember who's writing this scene, then you just want to curl up and cry about all the wasted potential.
Phil enters the cell, wonders over to where he was killed, touches the wall then his throat before letting out a loud scream as I assume he remembers that he's now dead.
I walked towards Phillip, and Burchard shoved his gun against my chest. I yelled into his face, "Shoot me, shoot me, dammit! It's got to be better then this."
"Enough." Nikoloas said. She stalked over to me, and I gave ground. She kept walking, forcing me to back up until I bumped against the wall. "I don't want you shot, Anita, but I want you hurt. You killed Winter with your little knife. Let's see how good you really are." She strode away from me. "Burchard, give her back her knives."
Why are you going all James Bond villain on us? KILL THE BITCH AND BE DONE WITH IT!
Burchard gives her knives back, Nicky tells Zack to kill Edward if he moves, for some reason she then orders Edward to kneel, when he doesn't she forces him to, before ordering Burchard to "Show her what it means to use a knife."
You'd think after that order we'd get right into the excitement of a knife battle right? Well you'd be wrong! No, Burchard limbers up, because... Everyone has two minutes to stretch out before a fight? I must be reading out of the wrong rule book here, Anita, WHY THE FUCK HAVEN'T YOU STABBED HIM?!
I knew how to use a knife. I can throw well; I had practiced that. Most people are afraid of knives. If you show yourself willing to crave someone up, they tend to be afraid of you. Burchard was not most people. He went down into a slight crouch, knife held loose but firm in his right hand.
Why does Anita always feel the urge to tell us the freaking obvious? 'People will fear you if you hold a knife at them' well... DUH! Also you claim to be this badass vampire hunter, I already figured you knew how to use the knives that you freaking carried, I didn't need the spiel.
Insert knife fight here, I'd insert it but honestly it's not really that interesting since Anita has a bad habit of making everything about her, plus I have to give you some incentive to read this book... Don't buy it though, support your local library if you guys have a Government in charge like ours, they'll probably need your support.
Ok, so near the end of this battle Anita tells Nicky that she knows who the murderer is, Nicky orders Anita to tell her or she'll kill Edward...... Alrighty then....
Zack screams out NO and tries to shoot Anita but both Burchard and Anita drop to the floor, Edward screams out in pain because Nicky broke his arm for some undisclosed reason, he's in pain but he won't die.. Yay.
Nicky grabs the gun off Zack and in the confusion Anita stabs Burchard in the back... Wow, this is a heroine I want to be like when I grow up!
I get being practical and mildly cold hearted. But don't insist that your protagonist has a strict moral code if you're going to pull this bullshit out of your ass to make your life easier!
Pulling her knife out of Burchard's back, she then stabs him in the side of his throat ensuring that he stays dead. Now, if I remember correctly, killing a vampires human servant tends to lead to either death, or craziness from the master... In this case though? Nope, Nicky pulls out Zack's throat though he's still alive when she drops him. Turning around she only now notices that her human servant is dead and screams before charging towards Anita.
She hits Anita, knocking her off her feet before pinning her down firmly and going for the neck, before she has the chance to get revenge though she's shot twice, causing her to be flung off Anita.
It turns out that Edward is her savior, apparently he picked up Zack's gun which was discarded after Nicky tore it from his grasp earlier.
Nicky goes for Edward uses up his ammo fruitlessly shooting her, he makes to hit her with his empty gun, which she removes easily from his grasp and throws him to the ground.
Anita picks up the sword that Burchard removed before they had their epic knife fight of epicness, she sneaks up on Nicky, Edward is screaming though she can't see why. Swinging the sword she thunks it into the vampires neck, pulling it free as Nicky stops and starts to stand, swinging it again this time it removes pretty much the entire head as it's currently being held on by strings of muscle and skin.
Nicky still struggles to get to her feet though, backing up a few steps Anita takes a running start before impaling the blade between Nicky's breast, taking out the heart as she forces the blade into the wall behind the vampire.
It turns out that Nicky had bitten Edward, Anita points out that they have plenty of Holy Water left, both of them start laughing 50's sitcom style while the rat king enters the scene which his clan.
[...] the Rat King, stared at the carnage with black button eyes. "She is dead."
"Ding dong, the witch is dead." I said.
Edward picked it up, half-singing, "'The wicked old witch."
We collapsed into laughter again, and Lillian the doctor, all covered with fur, tended to our hurts, Edward first.
Zack is healing from having his throat torn out, the bonus of not really being alive I suppose. Anita stumbles over, monologuing about his gris-gris and how she was confused when he wouldn't let her touch it.
Now, I admit when I first read this scene I thought it would drain her of her life like it appears to do for vampires. But no, human blood will undo the spell (worst weakness ever, what would've happened if he started bleeding before he died? Hell, even after he died he's still technically mortal) either way Anita touches the band with her bloody hands and kills him. Once he's dead she cuts the band off him and rumbles it up in her hand before putting it in her pocket which explains why she never dies int his series. SHE USES THE GRIS-GRIS!
Ok, so probably not, but it makes more sense then what actually happens in this series.
Anita goes to look for the rest of their weapons and JC, which she doesn't admit to, two ratman follow her. Phil is still huddled in the corner near where he died, but Anita leaves him there for now having bigger issues to worry about.
Anita and the Ratman (sounds like a awful indy band) find the vampire torture room and free JC, Anita then punches him the jaw ordering him to get out of her mind since he's an arrogant asshole or something, I have three pages to go, I honestly don't care at this point.
It turns out that the marks are permanent and he can't remove them (remember this for a later book) so she asks for him to at the very least stay out of her dreams. Which he is nice enough to agree to.
Oh yeah, this is also the start to the whole ma petite thing.. Get use to it, this word will become your entire existence as you creep deeper into these books.
JC is now the new master of the city, they bitch back and forth a bit more blah blah...
I jerked away from him. "You stay away from me for awhile, Jean-Claude, or I swear..."
"You'll kill me?" He said. He was smiling, laughing at me.
I didn't shoot him. And some people say I don't have a sense of humor.
Anita then randomly finds a room filled with several graves, going back to Phil she then leads him here, Blah blah they have a back and forth about how while he's remembering more of his personality (which will last for a day or two before disintegrating again) he's also extremely confused. She finally puts him back in his grave before kneeling next to it and crying.
Got to admit this is a fairly decent scene, not great or anything but compared to the others it has a pretty good emotional impact.
Chapter 48 aka the epilogue.
Edward suffered from a dislocated shoulder, two broken bones in said arm and a vampire bite. Anita had 14 stitches in total, they moved Phil's body to a local cemetery. Anita notes that every time she works in that cemetery she stops by to say hello.
I know this is suppose to be sweet or whatever, but only when she works in that cemetery really? What happens if you don't work there for a couple of months or years? If she said that she dropped by every couple of weeks it would mean more... At least to me that is.
Graves are for the living, not the dead. It gives us something to concentrate on instead of the fact that our loved one is rotting under the ground. The dead don't care about pretty flowers and craved marble statues.
Where would I be without LKH's enviable knowledge! I never would have guessed this otherwise!
JC sent Anita flowers with a note asking her to dance with him, she writes 'no' on the back of it and slipped it under the door of Guilty Pleasures because again no one has a home to go to apparently. Also, I'm going to assume she kept the flowers.
I know who and what I am. I am the Executioner, and I don't date vampires. I kill them.
And so ends my flog of Guilty Pleasures!!!!
Yeah, I'll start on the next book ASAP and also work on upping my Twilight posts.
No comments:
Post a Comment