We then get a preachy bit about how Iris (That is a very dated name there, the only Iris I've ever met was my grandmother) tombstone is a lovingly craved (read expensive) angel with "Beloved daughter, sadly missed" under it, Anita goes on about how the same person who went to all this work was the same person that was molesting her. She killed to escape him, so he brought her back. Anita isn't here for Jenson but for his daughter so she can finally get some peace, while I get were she's going with this there is absolutely no emotion behind the words, for all the emotion I felt while reading that she could have been telling me her shopping list, or the weather.
That could just be me though, I'm a total bastard and have extremely high standards for my books/movies etc etc etc. AKA nothing makes me happy.
For some reason Anita then goes on about how she couldn't explain it to Edward so hadn't tried... Well, you just kinda did explain it, right there. Literally the past paragraph, it's more likely he wouldn't understand which would explain why you didn't bother explaining it to him.
Words LKH, use them properly.
Anita picked up live chickens from somewhere to use as a sacrifice, Edward is leaning against the car, ankles and arms crossed, she also mentions that her machete is in the gym bag next to him. Important details that...
Edward then demands to know where Jenson is, we then learn that they've been hanging around for the past hour or so. He then states that he doesn't like this situation, Anita isn't thrilled either but mentions that they should give him another fifteen minutes in case he's just stuck in traffic or something.
Edward scans the area, saying that there isn't much cover near them. Uh, hate to be the logic monster here, but aren't you in a graveyard? Tombstones would make pretty good cover you know, hell you're standing right next to a car, fuck cover. Drive out!
Either way, it turns out that Edward is worried about snipers. A theory Anita blows off until he points out that someone has shot at her.
Uh... Snipers aren't exactly amateurs which are the only shooters that have come after her so far, so... Paranoia much there Eddy-boy??
Suddenly! A wild Ghoul appears!
There was a sound of scrambling claws on metal. I whirled. A ghoul sat on top of my car. It was naked and looked as if a human being had been stripped and dipped into silver-grey paint, almost metallic. But the teeth and claws on its hands and feet were long and black, curved talons. The eyes glowed crimson.
Great to know they were being so paranoid that they allowed a supernatural monster to sneak right up on them...
Anita then wanks on about how she drew her gun and had it pointed without having to think about it, because you know. It's not like she's made her world out to be a dark and gritty place and that she always has to be prepared for a monster to jump out and eat her face off or anything.
Edward asks what its doing on their car roof, a question Anita doesn't know the answer too, reminding us all that ghouls are cowards who never attack healthy people she waves her hand at it, telling it to scat, when it doesn't move she steps closer, waving her gun at it and telling it to shoo.
Again when it doesn't move she steps back and informs Edward that she didn't sense any ghouls when they entered the graveyard.
He naturally doesn't seem that worried, informing her that it's no big deal that she missed one (though if she can sense ghouls, how did this one sneak up on them?!?!!?)
"There's no such thing as just one ghoul. They travel in packs. And you don't miss them. They leave a sort of psychic stench behind. Evil."
As Anita explains this to Edward he points out two more ghouls sneaking up behind them, making me once again ask. IF THEY ARE SO DAMN SMELLY, HOW DO THEY KEEP SNEAKING UP ON YOU?!?!
Anita reminds the readers that she was at a crime scene that involved a healthy man being eaten by ghouls and that normal bullets won't work on them. Edward asks why they haven't attacked yet, Anita's theory is that they are waiting for courage.
If that was the case, the ghouls clearly outnumber them so why did they make our heroic duo aware of their existence in the first place? It would have made more sense to ambush them while they were still yammering on about Jenson not showing up.
Zack appears on stage, smirking and stating that the ghouls are actually waiting for him. Making him one of the worst villains ever. Why show yourself?? Sic the ghouls on them and be done with it, bloody hell mate.
FINALLY Anita catches on that Zack was the vampire murder, stating that she's a little slow this year. Zack frowns and says that he thought she would work it out eventually and that it was a good thing that Nicky left him in charge of the zombie witness, that way he could destroy it's mind and save himself from being discovered.
Also a ghoul leans against his leg at some point, so he strokes it idly. Yes these creatures are clearly very fearsome.
It also turns out that Zack was behind the two-biter that attempted to kill Anita at the EOL church, telling the guy that the order came straight from Nicky.
Does Nicky usually use an animator to contact her amateur assassins? Because she either hires morons who don't question anything or she really doesn't understand the point of being discrete and sets herself up for this sort of shit happening.
Ah, apparently if you bury an animator in a graveyard you get ghouls, when Zack came back from the dead the ghouls came with him and are his... That, makes no sense. If this was a fact why do people bury animators anymore? And did the ghouls only come because he rose from the dead? Or do they only listen to him because of it?!
Also, no, this is never mentioned again in the series as far as I can recall... Why do you ask?
We then get a discussion about how Zack thinks that the more zombies you raise in a graveyard the more likely you'll get ghouls.
While this is highly fascinating and should be discussed by people way more qualified then these two, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU HAVING THIS DISCUSSION?!
I'm pretty sure that this is a rule on the evil overlord list, don't speak to your victims. Urgh, we already know that Anita and Edward will be ok because this guy is a fucking moron.
Edward apparently agrees with me as he fires into Zack's chest without any warning, spinning him around from the impact and landing face first on the ground, getting back up with some help from his ghoul pets we get this...
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but bullets will never hurt me."
Edward fires again, but Zack dodges behind a tree. Giving us probably the dumbest line in this entire book so far.
"Now, now, no hitting the head. I'm not sure what would happen if you put a bullet in my brain."
Why would he tell them that? It's like when you have a game on easy and it points out all the weak point on the big boss...
Either way, Zack sic's his ghoul pets onto our hero's, there's at fifteen ghouls that have come to this particular party. After a short montage of shooting ghouls and screaming at each other, Edward and Anita make for the maintenance shed that they mentioned before but I didn't because boring conversation is very boring, but apparently not pointless.
Anita asks if Edward smokes, which he doesn't. She asks because ghouls, like pretty much every creature ever, is scared of fire.
They start making their way slowly towards the shed because if they run it will spark the ghouls into chasing them, and since the ghouls are a lot faster then them that would be very bad.
As they stroll towards the shed they randomly pick off any ghoul that gets to close, which for some reason doesn't piss their pack mates off.
Suddenly the ghouls spot the chickens and a bunch of them rush over to devour the poor creatures, allowing our duo to walk a little faster towards the shed.
They get halfway to the shed before a loud howl starts up from the ghoul pack, looking over their shoulders they see the ghouls charging towards them on all fours. Ditching their calm attempt at reaching their goal they start running, and it's a race for cover.
Our heroic hero's reach the shed first only to find it padlocked, Edward shoots it off and Anita ponders that they had no time to picklock it since the ghouls are hot on their tails.
As soon as they get inside they slam the door shut and realize that they've done fucked up since they are now trapped in a building that has a window up out of reach.
Anita roll's a mower in front of the door while thinking that it won't hold them for long, Edward puts a fresh clip in his gun, stating that he won't die by being eaten alive and offers to kill Anita first.
And oh hey, Anita remembers that she shoved Zack's matchbox in her pocket, apparently this took a little while to process as Edward demands to know if she wants him to do it, or if she'll do it herself as the ghouls are nearly at the shed.
Do you wish to know what Anita's grand plan is? It really is brilliant, makes me wish I was half as smart as our heroine,
You ready?
No really, this plan is just pure brilliance.
It makes me take back every snarky thing I've said about this book.
Honestly.
Alright, here's her plan.
SHE'S GOING TO SET THE FUCKING SHED ON FIRE, WITH THEM INSIDE!
Edward points out that he'd prefer to just shoot himself if it's all the same to her.
Anita goes on to state that she doesn't plan to die tonight, how? Well I guess we'll just have to keep on reading, because this plan just screams stupid to me.
Anita splashes gasoline around before lighting it, the fire spreads faster then she thought it would and Edward reading my mind snarkily asks if she had a plan to get them out alive.
Luckily for them though the ghouls decide that these psycho's deserve to live and broke through the fierier wall attempting to scratch them?
I dunno, either way Anita demands Edward's shirt, wraps it around a rake, douses it in gasoline and starts setting more of the shed on fire. Edward grabs an axe and starts widening the hole that the ghoul kindly made for them.
Why does Anita need to burn the shed down faster? No, really, why??
They squeeze out of the hole, Anita keeping a hold of her touch. The ghouls are standing well back watching the fire. As soon as Edward and Anita are clear the shed blows up... Nice timing their guys.
You know, Anita... You fucking suck at planning escapes, you set a shed full of gasoline on fire, you're more stupid then I actually gave you credit for.
Our hero's slowly get to their feet, magically finding a unharmed gasoline bottle right next to them. I just... You know what? This isn't worth bitching about so...
MOVING ON!
The ghouls are gone, where? I dunno, they're never mentioned as running off or anything so I guess they just turned into paper cutouts and got blown away by the explosion or something.
Anita and Edward head back towards their car, allowing us to listen to Anita whinging about how she's numb from running out of adrenaline or some crap.
The chicken crate has been ripped to pieces, Anita doesn't look to closely at it while she stops to pick up her gym bag, as she does Edward yells her name so she drops, allowing him to shoot the ghoul that was sneaking up behind her.
YES THEY ARE CLEARLY SO SMELLY THAT ANITA CAN ALWAYS FUCKING SENSE THEM!!!!!
Edward empties his clip into the ghoul, Anita getting back to her feet drenches the ghoul in gasoline before Edward sets it on fire. As they watch the ghoul burn to death Anita whispers that Zack is next, because you know... Anita is a nice person like that.
They get into the car and Anita mentions that for the first time Edward looks shaken, he moves a machine gun into his lap and she asks if he'll be taking it to bed with him tonight, a question that he throws right back at her.
Anita thinks that this is the second attempt on her life in as many days and that she much prefers to be shot at.
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