Existential Crisis Rant.

Every time I use that phrase I get one of two reactions, either one of confusion as they wonder what rant they will be exposed to this time. Or one of smug acknowledgement and how they've had this issue since the moment they were born yadda yadda.

Basically what this all boils down to, is that I woke up one day and realized that life sucks, you only get one chance at it... And I've done fucked it up.

The whole death aspect and pointlessness of life argument that generally follows when someone brings up 'existential crisis' surprisingly doesn't actually bother me that much. I'll face death when I have to, its unavoidable and stressing myself out about it won't change that I won't still die someday, as daunting as that thought might be.

No, my issue right now is that I've wasted half my life and am now sitting here wondering what the fuck I'm going to do with the rest of my existence and the realization that I don't particularly like who I am or where I'm currently at in life.

So as I stated in my last blog I've been spending most of my days either laying face down on the floor or curled up in bed trying to get my head screwed on straight. I've fought depression and let me tell you now, I'd prefer to be depressed then this shit, at least with depression you can get help for that. This... This is just complete bullshit that you can't really talk to people about because they're spend the entire conversation either telling me that I should be happy because I've done a huge turn-around in life already and should be happy with it. Or going on about how they struggle with these issues everyday and I just need to get over myself.

Well I say fuck you to both of these parties!
Yes, I've changed a lot over the past year or so why is not something I want to get into on a public domain so just assume I wasn't always this awesome and go with it. But that doesn't mean I should be happy to keep working in an industry that I now despise with the heat of a thousand suns or not try to better myself.

The problem therein though is I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself now, I can't stay in hospitality because it's just dragging me down into a mindset that really isn't good for me, while I love my dog training it's not exactly paying right now because I'm basically an apprentice.
I've only ever been a cook (and retail when I was in school which didn't end well for anyone involved) so it's not like I can just walk into a different industry without having to study or something, and since I absolutely suck at studying and I'm officially out of money it's not something I can afford to do right now (besides the fact that I refuse to study simply so I say that I have)

So yeah, that's my life right now. I'm jobless, stressed to the max and having a crisis about my life. Isn't being alive just grand?!

On a completely random topic now, for those of you who live in Australia (Not sure if it's being sold in other countries. But if it is then you should fully check it out!)

IT'S A ICE-CREAM THAT ACTUALLY TASTES LIKE FUCKING POPCORN!
It's seriously the strangest thing I've ever tasted, and while I'm still not entirely sure if I liked it or not, it's worth a try. Plus there was like, three other random flavours there that I need to get around to trying.