How to survive an Australian summer: Part one. How not to mow the lawn.

You'd think mowing the lawn would be pretty easy in Australia since we don't have grass and such right?

Well wrong, in Brisbane at least, we unfortunately have grass that grow faster then they have any fucking right too during storm season. So this is a quick summary on how to mow your lawn without screwing up as much as I did today.

Step one:

No matter how tempting, do not let heat and/or rain put you off mowing until your grass is taller then you are.
Especially after rain since rodents bred like buggery which means snakes... Snakes everywhere.

Step two:

Do NOT wear shorts and thongs while mowing, if your lawn is anything like mine the green ants and ticks will be all over you in seconds.
If you don't know what green ants are think tiny little piranhas that have a bite that stings like a total bitch.
I'm going to be limping for days since I managed to step on one of their bloody nests.

Step three:

Don't get into a fight with your mower when it refuses to go over the mountain sized grass, get a weed-eater to do most of the heavy lifting, otherwise all you end up doing to fucking the motor. You do get manly looking hands after you finish fixing it though.

This was after the second attempt at clearing the dirt and grease off my hands.

Step four:

Do not get straight into a cool shower after you finish mowing in 32 degree heat (89F for you weirdos out there) and 92% humidity.

You will either make yourself incredible dizzy and/or pass out as your body freaks the fuck out. 

Same goes for those who think we survive off alcohol, that shit will fuck you up pretty badly after doing heavy manual work... Again, trust me on this.