Whatever, she starts off by calling Catherine. The unfortunate bachelorette from the first book and apparently Anita's best friend who is also a lawyer, Bob Catherine's husband answers the phone and immediately asks if she's at the police station.
Anita makes if out to be a good thing, but if I had my friends instantly assume I'd done fucked up everytime I called them then I would want to sit back and reevaluate my life...
Bob hands the phone over to Catherine who takes being woken up at stupid hours for something that isn't an emergency a lot better then a lot of people would, Anita tells her the bad news that Richard is in jail before stating that Catherine liked Richard a lot, a whole lot more then JC at any rate.
Luckily for Anita and the plot Catherine does know an extremely good, but expensive lawyer in Tennessee who should be able to help Richard out.
Anita gives Catherine Daniels number so they can at the very least get the wheels going while she flies down, Catherine then goes on a spiel about how Anita is a great friend because she always bends over backwards for them blah blah blah. They then go on about how Anita is still in love with Richard, which she denies and OMG GET ON WITH THE FUCKING PLOT ALREADY!
Because apparently LKH felt that what everyone wanted in this chapter was more phone calls! Anita then rings her actual job, thinking that vampire killing is her side-job and hobby. Usual bitching here about how Bert is a money grubbing business man, who is pushing her towards quitting because god-fucking-forbid she actually takes her job seriously or something!!
We also get a random section about how when she was in collage she accidentally raised a zombie in her sleep or something which came shambling into their dorm room in the dead of night, causing her new roommate to move out the next day because apparently she had no sense of adventure.
Anita... Hunnybun, NO ONE WOULD BE HAPPY ABOUT HAVING A DEAD AND DECAYING MALE WONDER INTO THIER DORM ROOM AT NIGHT!
HELL, YOU'RE NOT HAPPY WHEN CORPSES WONDER INTO YOUR ROOM SO STFU!!!!!
Ah hum.. Moving on!
I, Anita Blake, scourge of the undead-the human with more vampire kills then any other vampire executioner in the country-was dating a vampire. It was poetically ironic.
Now, I'm Australian so American cities and places don't mean all the much to me... But isn't Saint Louis practically a small country town compared to places like New York and Washington?!
So... With those facts alone, shouldn't executioners in those cities have a higher kill count from population alone?
Or... Is she claiming that everyone else just simply sucks massive balls at doing their job?
Luckily before Anita can keep on with her head expanding monologue the doorbell rings, freaking her the fuck out because its 0345 in the morning. As she wonders through her apartment she goes on about the furniture and shit, stating that the practical stuff is hers, the artsy fartsy stuff is JC's influence. Because Anita is a strong independent women who knows what she likes and fuck everyone else I guess?
The doorbell rings again, making Anita jump, thinking that she's already keyed up from the news regarding Richard and realises that she's only wearing a nightgown and gun, and this makes her priorities right or something, I dunno.
We then get a detailed description of what she's wearing, and that it comes to her knees because she's so goddamn short ya'll!
She calls out to see who's at the door, going off the logic that most bad guys don't ring the doorbell. It turns out that it's JC, making Anita's jaw drop in surprise because he was the last person she would have expected.
Why?! We just had a bloody paragraph about how his fashion sense has effected your flat. Are you telling me he did all this without coming over? How?!... WHY?!
She opens the door and we get the obligated wank session about how hot JC is...
HAHAHAAHAHAHA OMG, his fucking boots hit his groin! What the fuck?! WHY?!
Ah, whatever. I'm the last person who should be judging someones fashion sense as I sit here in torn jeans and a hoodie I've had since I was 18.
Anita apparently is a fickle lover since she is uncomfortable about dating JC when she's not in his presence but her undies instantly evaporate whenever she's in the same room with him.
Clearly this is a match in heaven the we should all be dreaming about!
She kicks off by stating that while he looks hot, what the fuck is he doing here since she told him not to drop by. While thinking that really all she wants to do is cling to him like skinny jeans, but has too much dignity for such displays of affection or some shite.
Besides, it sort of scared me how much I wanted him-and how often. He was like a new drug. It wasn't vampire powers. It was old-fashioned lust. But it was still scary, so I had set up some parameters. Rules. He followed them most of the time.
JC smiles, Anita blushes and hates the fact. So being the reasonable adult that she is gets all hostile and shit.
Also I was right about the last chapters dream, it was a sex dream. And Anita doesn't have a leg to stand on because he asked her to wear the nightie that she's currently wearing so she should have known what was going to happen or some such, really this is pointless!!
JC asks for permission to enter, even though he technically doesn't need it because it was granted to him a long time ago, but he gets a power trip out of the fact that Anita keeps granting it to him.
Basically he's coming across as a complete asshole right now.
JC again points out that if Anita really didn't want him to have sexy dreams with her she has the ability to block him out, so if she could stop being childish that would be great. Anita moves the topic onto the fact that Richard is in jail, JC already knows as the Master of the city (I'm assuming he means whichever city Richard has been jailed in since isn't Tennessee actually a state?) has called him so JC doesn't get into his head that he was somehow behind it and start a war or anything stupid like that.
They then have a banter about how whoever thought up this devious plan doesn't know Richard very well as they'd believe murder over rape or some shit, I think a better argument would be that they wouldn't believe either because they keep going on about how much of a boy scout Richard is.
Anita then asks if JC is going down to Tennessee to sort this out, which is a no. Since the MOC Colin has forbidden them to enter his city, and if they do so would be to start a war because he fears their power or some crap.
I think he would be better off saying that he'll sort it out, or that JC can send down one or two people that isn't him or Anita to sort this out, that seems more reasonable to me then 'I fear you, so keep the fuck away from me even though I know someone really important to you is in danger in my city!'
The last time JC and Anita went into another MoC's lands they kinda utterly destroyed her, so it makes sense for Colin to be fairly nervous about the prospect of them trumping through his lands.
Also, nothing defangs the second in command like calling him JC's 'second banana'
Asher, said second in command is currently trying to negotiate so that Anita can head down and sort this out, she's surprised they want her to head down and not JC himself, JC points out that she's better at police affairs then him.
My reasoning is that why should the head of the fucking city leave when he has minions who can sort it for him?
Then we basically get this...
JC is trying to seduce Anita and she want's nothing to do with it because you, ex werewolf boyfriend in jail and all that.
HAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAAAHHAHA OMFG 'The wicked dance' is what he calls sex! HAHAHAHHAHAJDSNKDJSBFKJSBFKJFBKJS
We then completely and utterly destroy any sort of self-confidence that JC might have seemed to have by making him roll about in bed moaning about the fact that Anita hasn't kissed him once since he rocked up at her door and that she might leave him to be with Richard.
Oh for fucks sack, this conversation goes on for the next FOUR FUCKING PAGES!
Thankfully Asher calls, breaking up their argument about how because JC is getting sex he should count it as a done deal and Anita will never want to sleep with anyone ever again! *Cough*LaterBooks*Cough*
Asher apparently sucks at his job because now not only has Colin refused entry to JC and Anita, that ban now includes ALL of JC's people...
Anita being the reasonable and cool headed heroine that she is tells JC to either get her permission or she's going to go down there regardless. JC points out that doing that will mean war, she curses and tells him to get Colin on the phone... Which he does, because this clearly won't end badly for anyone involved!
... Also, does JC just know Colin's number off by heart? He didn't get it off Asher, he just dialed it.
But hey, maybe people back in the era where you had to actually remember and dial numbers had a better memory for that sort of thing.
So they get Colin on the phone, the entire conversation basically boils down to the fact that Colin is scared of them, Anita threatening him and ending with JC taking the phone back and bumbling apologises into the dial tone.
JC then turns on Anita demanding to know if she can fully comprehend what she's done, she basically shrugs it off rambling about how she's going to get Richard out and damn the consequences.
JC isn't having any of that though, he states that she is still going to take his private jet, but she will now have company on the trip, she asks if he will be coming, which he denies because that will certainly start a war.
No, he's making sure she goes on down with an entourage of guards, which Anita instantly starts complaining about this fact, which JC smacks down quickly, pointing out that if she hadn't just rung up and insulted the MoC, guards wouldn't have been necessary.
Anita tries to claim that no matter what they did it would have ended up like this because she heard the fear in Colin's voice or some shit, basically she's trying and failing to dig herself out of the trouble she's gotten into.
Oh... And apparently Anita is the boogyman of vampire kind, as in they use her as a threat to make the younglings follow the rules. Only, if I remember correctly Anita only holds a licence for one or two states, so how would the vampires in say Vegas use her as a threat?? Wouldn't they have their own boogyman?
It finally dawns on Anita that she's done fucked up and apologises to JC who snorts and basically takes it sarcastically as he should. He then turns back to the phone and starts dialing, stating that he'll call Asher so that him and the others can start packing.
Anita again tries to muscle her way out of having anyone come with her, which again JC smacks down.
He points out that if she wants to bring some of her leopards she's welcome to it since Asher and Damien will need food as they won't be able to hunt in Colin's territory. Anita again tries to get up on her high horse but JC isn't having any of it. So she uses that since she's lupa (the girlfriend or mate of the alpha because apparently you need a dick to run a pack) of the werewolf pack the wolves need to be run by her before she'll accept their help or some shit.
The leopards she ended up with accidentally since after she killed their leader they had no one to protect them, so took over and threatened to murder anyone who messed with them. For now her threat is keeping them safe from being anyones meat.
Jean-Claude put the phone to his ear. "It is getting so that a person cannot insult a monster in Saint Louis without answering to you, ma petite." If I hadn't known better, I'd say Jean-Claude was angry with me.
I guess this once, I couldn't blame him.
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